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Building Self-Esteem
in Your Children
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Show your
self-esteem. Children need models of what self-esteem looks
like. As a parent, guardian, teacher, etc. you need to show children
that you believe in yourself. That means smile often, be happy, laugh,
say positive things about the things you do, etc.
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Show that you believe in them and what
they can do. Look for the chances to build their
self-esteem. Say nice things to them and "catch them being
good" and much as you can. This is a hard thing for most of
us. So you might need to put some reminders in place for you to
remember to say something nice. . . . .post-its on the refrigerator, car
dash board, place an object in a place that it does not belong, etc.
Ask your children for their opinions and try to use as many as
possible. When shopping for clothes, etc. let them know which
racks or what price range they can pick from, then let them pick without
judging their choices.
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Establish standards that are reasonable
for your children's behaviors. Acknowledge them when they meet the
standards. Most of us note when our children do not meet expectations
or standards. Noting their accomplishments helps them establish their
self-esteem.
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Say nice things and compliment them even
when it seems as if they are treating you like an alien or like you do not
exist. It is important to continue to compliment them. Dr.
Glenn Latham says, "A cold, stormy look can hide a child's warmth on
the inside".
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NEVER, put your child down or use
sarcasm. You may think that they understand you attempts at using
humor. . .it will most likely be viewed as humor at their expense.
They are likely to believe that you really mean the things that you are
saying.
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Do not dwell on the negative things they
say about themselves. When they say negative things about
themselves do not go into a routine that tries to convince them that they
are not like that or that they do not really feel that way. This
conveys the message that they are wrong and do not know their own
feelings. Acknowledge their feelings and emotions, be empathetic and
continue to stay solution focused. Offer help and be prepared when
they turn you down. Let them know you are always available and be
available. If you can not help. . . . .find someone that can help.
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Do not make a big thing out of
failure. Acknowledge their feelings and ask them what they can do
to make sure the do well the next time. Turn failure into a time to
find and act on solutions. Follow-up on their solutions and
acknowledge accomplishments.
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Help them use positive self-talk. Positive
self-talk is saying esteem building things to themselves. This is
especially important during tough times. Negative self-talk often
leads to being angry or depressed.
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Make cause and effect a part of
life. Helping children look at the causes of failure or for the
reasons things went wrong follows the guide above about asking them what can
be done next time. Help them look at the reason they failed a test,
etc.
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Help them use self-control and
self-reinforcement. Help them learn to use alternative behaviors
when things disappoint them of make them sad or depressed. As with
positive self-talk, help them learn to acknowledge their accomplishments or
for behaving well. . . . .such as "Good job. I knew I could do
that".
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