 | An affair inevitably destroys the marriage.
|
| Human beings are naturally monogamous.
|
| Monogamy is the norm in our society and most other
societies.
|
| Society, as a whole, supports monogamy. Men initiate
almost all affairs.
|
| An affair always means there are serious problems in
the marriage.
|
| Infidelity is a sign that sex is missing or
unsatisfactory at home.
|
| Women are more likely to have an affair because they
feel unhappy in their marriages while men, on the other
hand, will do it just for sex.
|
| Men who have affairs are more likely to do so
without emotional involvement, whereas women's affairs
are more often accompanied by emotional involvement.
|
| Telling all the details of the affair to the
betrayed spouse will help heal the marriage.
|
| Affairs should always be disclosed to the
un-involved partner (regardless of the potential for
domestic violence or even murder when such disclosure
take place).
|
| Men are more concerned about their romantic partners
having passionate sex with someone else, while women are
more concerned that their partners are falling-in-love
with someone else.
|
| Most people are monogamous, so an affair indicates a
moral failure, character deficiency and a failure of the
marriage.
|
| People generally seek in an affair what they do not
get at home from their spouse.
|
| Concerns about AIDS will reduce the frequency of
affairs.
|
| Marital sex is always safe sex.
|
| Internet sex and Internet infidelity are not
considered extramarital affairs.
|
| Extramarital affairs are never consensual.
|
| Parental infidelity increases the likelihood of
their children's infidelity. |
| Most couples survive the affair rather than end up
in divorce.
|
| Many couples, in fact, come out of the infidelity
crises stronger and more committed.
|
| Society gives lip service to monogamy, but actually
supports affairs through role-models, advertisements,
TV, news media, literature and the movies.
|
| Infidelity is an equal opportunity issue that cuts
across gender lines, educational levels, sexual
orientation, social and economic class and culture.
|
| Women are rapidly catching up to men's stats of
infidelity.
|
| Infidelity is a choice. No one and no circumstances
"force" anyone to be unfaithful.
|
| Non-monogamous relationships are common in some gay
communities. Some gay couples consciously, intentionally
and systematically negotiate non-monogamous
relationships.
|
| The effect of infidelity can be negative, neutral or
positive.
|
| Jealousy is biologically wired and also socially
constructed.
|
| Modern western cultures tend to over-emphasize the
importance of monogamy in marriage in comparison to
values such as kindness and compassion.
|
| Many individuals who get involved in an affair have
not been able to go beyond the romantic (unrealistic and
often short term) ideal or falling-in-love phase that
often characterizes the first phase of romantic
relationships.
|
| Sexual infidelity by a woman, either actual or
suspected, significantly increases the likelihood of
spousal battering and spousal homicide.
|
| No marriage is immune from affairs. Preventing
infidelity requires ongoing, honest communication and
commitment to sexually exclusive monogamy, among other
measures.
|
| As infidelity takes place in a certain social,
historical and evolutionary context, no couple can fully
understand why an affair happens by looking only at
their own marriage.
|
| A conservative interpretation of infidelity
statistics suggests that although perhaps roughly 2/3 of
all married couples remain faithful, the other one third
will experience infidelity over the course of a
marriage. Some of the estimates in the United States
are: 1 in every 2.7 couples, some 20 million, is touched
by infidelity.
|
| Narcissistic individuals may be especially prone to
marital infidelity.
|
| While some of those who were involved in affairs
report high marital satisfaction, research has shown,
not surprisingly, a general inverse correlation between
marriage satisfaction and infidelity.
|
| People having affairs tend to rationalize their
behavior, and a part of that rationalization is ignoring
or denying the possibility of any negative consequences,
such as divorce or acquiring STD.
|
| When someone has an affair, it doesn't necessarily
mean he or she isn't "getting enough" at home. Many
researchers have found out that one can feel a strong
attachment to the spouse and still be madly attracted to
and romantically in love with someone else.
|
| Contrary to one commonly held view, many people who
report being in happy marriages commit adultery. Shirley
Glass's ground breaking research revealed that 56% of
men and 34% of women who were involved in affairs
reported that their marriages were happy.
 | Generally affairs that take place earlier on in
the marriage are more highly correlated with
dissatisfaction than those that take place later on
in the marriage.
|
| Men in long-term marriages, who had affairs, had
very high marital satisfaction. On the other hand,
women in long-term marriages who had an affair had
very low marital satisfaction. |
|
| Some research reports that extramarital sex can
increase sexual activity within the marriage. The
hydraulic pump theory that there is only that much
sexual energy available and it is spent outside the
marriage with nothing left for the spouse, has been
debunked by several researchers.
|
| Some affairs are better kept secret. Not all affairs
must be disclosed. There are situations where disclosure
can result in domestic violence or even murder or
trigger extreme emotional response by the
psychologically vulnerable un-involved partner.
|
| Some couples consent to extramarital affairs.
Sometimes the consent is implicit and at other times is
explicit. It can be passive or actively and openly
constructed.
|
| A striking paradox is that while polls indicate 90
percent disapproved of extramarital relationships,
almost a third engaged in such relationships.
|
| Unlike what we may predict from analytic or
behavioral therapies, there are no findings on the
influence of parental infidelities on the likelihood of
their children engaging in infidelity.
|
| Having children increases the likelihood of marital
affairs.
|
| Lifetime rates of infidelity are twice as high among
men and women who have been divorced or legally
separated.
|
| Not only did AIDS not reduce infidelity, in fact
less than one-half of individuals reporting sex outside
the marriage use condoms with their primary and
secondary sex partners. |
