Building Self-Esteem in Your Children

	Show your self-esteem.  Children need models of what self-esteem looks like.  As a parent, guardian, teacher, etc. you need to show children that you believe in yourself.  That means smile often, be happy, laugh, say positive things about the things you do, etc.
	Show that you believe in them and what they can do.  Look for the chances to build their self-esteem.  Say nice things to them and "catch them being good" and much as you can.  This is a hard thing for most of us.  So you might need to put some reminders in place for you to remember to say something nice. . . . .post-its on the refrigerator, car dash board, place an object in a place that it does not belong, etc.  Ask your children for their opinions and try to use as many as possible.  When shopping for clothes, etc.  let them know which racks or what price range they can pick from, then let them pick without judging their choices.
	Establish standards that are reasonable for your children's behaviors.  Acknowledge them when they meet the standards.  Most of us note when our children do not meet expectations or standards.  Noting their accomplishments helps them establish their self-esteem.
	Say nice things and compliment them even when it seems as if they are treating you like an alien or like you do not exist.  It is important to continue to compliment them.  Dr. Glenn Latham says, "A cold, stormy look can hide a child's warmth on the inside".
	NEVER, put your child down or use sarcasm.  You may think that they understand you attempts at using humor. . .it will most likely be viewed as humor at their expense.  They are likely to believe that you really mean the things that you are saying.
	Do not dwell on the negative things they say about themselves.  When they say negative things about themselves do not go into a routine that tries to convince them that they are not like that or that they do not really feel that way.  This conveys the message that they are wrong and do not know their own feelings.  Acknowledge their feelings and emotions, be empathetic and continue to stay solution focused.  Offer help and be prepared when they turn you down.  Let them know you are always available and be available.  If you can not help. . . . .find someone that can help.

	Do not make a big thing out of failure.  Acknowledge their feelings and ask them what they can do to make sure the do well the next time.  Turn failure into a time to find and act on solutions.  Follow-up on their solutions and acknowledge accomplishments.
	Help them use positive self-talk.  Positive self-talk is saying esteem building things to themselves.  This is especially important during tough times.  Negative self-talk often leads to being angry or depressed.
	Make cause and effect a part of life.  Helping children look at the causes of failure or for the reasons things went wrong follows the guide above about asking them what can be done next time.  Help them look at the reason they failed a test, etc.
	Help them use self-control and self-reinforcement.  Help them learn to use alternative behaviors when things disappoint them of make them sad or depressed.  As with positive self-talk, help them learn to acknowledge their accomplishments or for behaving well. . . . .such as "Good job.  I knew I could do that".